Say It Right

While spending yet another mind numbing day around the house I happen to stumble upon a rather interesting blog from an old high school friend. Now normally I would avoid this type of blog, based on the fact that every post in someway relates back to her kids, however one of her posts caught my eye. http://www.happyhowcrofts.blogspot.com/

It is important to note that this story is laced with historical inaccuracies; however what truth there is just shows how smooth I can be. For this story to be told we must go back about 11 years to my junior year in High School. I, as is to be expected, was a handsome, charming and a bright young man with the whole world before me. Unfortunately, not everyone was as big of fan of me and I was of myself. One of my biggest critics was a young girl named Kristen. For reasons still unknown to me, she hated me with a pure unadulterated passion. Her hate for me was very vocal, as most everyone knew her true feelings about me. However, there came a day when I was approached by a group of girls who offered me a rather interesting challenge. They were willing to bet $40 that I could not get this girl who hated me to go out on a date. They said they would give me 2 weeks to accomplish this task. I laughed at this bet, what these girls failed to realize was that I had more charm than Prince Charming himself. Long story short, not only did I get her to go out with me; she also proclaimed that our date was the “best she had ever been on.” Now you may wonder what would cause a girl with such hate and discontent to change her views so drastically??? It’s hard to say; maybe it was my rugged good looks or dashing charisma. All I know is that after this date, my stock soared to near record highs and after that my dance card was always full…so to speak. Sadly for Kristen, I told her I had to move on, but that I wanted to stay friends. After she was finally done crying, she agreed and we have remained close friends since.

Sure Shot

Who would have thought that crows, four to be exact, would cause me so much grief? Ever since I moved in this house I have been haunted by these crows…really, this is not a joke. These crows are the largest I have seen and not only do they shit all over the side of my house and deck; they also come up to the windows and peck at the glass. It’s not a soft peck either. I’m sure that if I don’t somehow stop them, they will break one of my windows. I’ve never heard of birds doing this and I’m starting to believe that these crows have some sort of personal vendetta against me and this is how they are seeking there retribution.

I initially thought that scarring them away would be easy and I figured since my leg was broken that I would have plenty of time to devise a plan to rid these pests from breaking my window; however these birds have proven to be worthy adversaries.

Since all my other ripe ideas have failed miserably and negotiations are out of the question, I was forced to move to Plan B; my air-soft gun. The purpose of the Air-Soft gun is not to kill the birds; I only want to scare them enough to leave my yard.

So there I sit waiting by one of my widows for their return only to have them go to another window, which is out of range for my gun and start pecking at the new window. I know this is quite humorous to most everyone. Personally it’s become quite aggravating. Though surprisingly my neighbors now look at me with strange stares, maybe it’s the new Unabomber beard or the fact that I am sneaking around my yard with a gun, who knows. You would think they would appreciate the sacrifice that I am making…ungrateful.